Feelings
by anime.trashhhh
Summary: So basically Nagisa is being abused and bullied and Karma wants to help him and at one point they kind of confess you each other and they kiss at one point and... ya. I'm bad at summaries :) xDD
1. chapter 1

**Warning: There May Be Strong Language used and sexual, gay, LGBT content, also detailed injuries, suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts, read at your own risk.**

 **Also sorry if its not good or if its boring, I mean it is only my first story after all! xD**

 **Chapter One, Part 1: Explanation (Nagisa's POV)**

Its been a few months since we have assassinated Kuro-Sensei and to be honest things have been kind of hard since then. I mean for starters, when my parents decided to get remarried my mother went crazy again and my dad left again, of course leaving me to live with my mother, and she is always coming home drunk and she abuses me, and I... I'm suffering from depression now, I tried to cut my hair once and my mother caught me when I was about to do it and well she was in the middle of cooking dinner when she did so she had a knife in her hand when she came into my room and well... she cut me... purposely... and I... I don't think she regrets it... School hasn't been the best for me either, people have been teasing and bullying me because of how short I am and how I look like a girl, the only one I have is Karma because everyone else had got transferred to different schools. Karma's the only thing that's keeping me going and honestly I'm not ashamed to say that I kind of have a crush on him... even though we are both boys... he probably doesn't like me.. I mean why would he like me in that way... I don't know... I... I want him to know that I love him but... I don't know how to tell him... but whatever, I don't think you guys are reading this to know what my love life is like... right..?

 **Part** **2: Explanation (Karma's POV)** Its been a while since that day, when we, or I guess I should say Nagisa, assassinated Kuro-Sensei, things have been... different... since then... Everyone had gone to different schools after that except me and Nagisa, we surprisingly ended up in the same school together, he is my best friend, although, he is being bullied and child abused, he hasn't actually told me, but I can tell that he is suffering from depression too, sometimes I catch him staring off into space and where he looks like he is thinking about stuff, and sometimes I find him crying in the bathroom, one time when his mom wasn't home I went to visit him and the door the his house was unlocked so I went in and I went into his room and found him about to cut himself with a kitchen knife, I luckily stopped him before he could do anything, I asked him if he is okay and he just said "I'm fine." but he doesn't seem "fine" at all... I wanna help him, I love him, although he would never like me I mean we are both boys but... I don't care about that, I love him.. and love is love, no matter what gender it is...

But enough about Nagisa, I guess you want to hear more about my life... well... I don't really know where to start... there's one major thing that happened that I don't really like talking about but I guess I could... well... we were driving back from the store one day... my mom in the drivers seat and my dad in the seat next to her and me sitting in the back... So there was this ass driving behind us that decided we were "driving too slow" even though we were driving the legal speed limit and he... he drove into the back of our car, which did more than he probably expected when he did it... I don't even know if he was aware of the harm that he was going to cause... but when he did, my mom lost control of the drivers wheel and the car started going on its own, she couldn't stop the car because the break was broken, so long story short... we ran into what was basically a wall and... well I didn't get any major injuries, just some bruises and cuts from broken glass, my dad on the other hand got the same but broke a leg and dislocated his arm... and my mom... well.. um... sh-she she didn't make it... yeah... she... died... my mother is dead.. and you see... I haven't told anyone yet... and that's because my dad didn't want anyone to know, he also asked the police and other people to not say much about it or who the people are accept the idiot who started it all, I'm not sure why my dad didn't want anyone to know but yeah... no one knows.. not even my best friend, Nagisa... But yeah that's basically it, but this bring us to where we are now... its Saturday and I've asked if I could come over today to tell him how I feel about him... I just hope I don't chicken out though...

 **Part** **3: Confession Gone Wrong (Nagisa's POV)**

Mother just left the house... I'm sure she'll come back but after what just happened it wouldn't seem like it... She had just gotten a dress that she ordered for me in the mail and wanted me to try it on but I refused and she went all crazy on my again, she hit me, she left a few bruises on my arm, she just left the house with no warning, obviously still mad...

"I don't know what to do anymore..." Nagisa says as he pulls out a pocket knife and tears start forming in his eyes.

He closes his bedroom door and sits on his bed with the knife blade against his arm, not cutting himself... yet...

"Damn it... why does she have to be this way!" he looks up, sighs, and says "Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something dammit..."

He looks back down at the blade laying against his arm, then he turns the blade to where the sharp part is on his arm and then pushes down on it making it cut through his skin and blood starts coming out.

Then suddenly Karma opens the door and walks in, "Hey Nagisa- What are you doing?!" he says eyes wide and alarmed, he runs over to Nagisa.

Nagisa quickly pulls the knife away from his arm, "I- i... um... i..." he is nervous and doesn't know what to say.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?! Please just stop!!" Karma yells worryingly, and suddenly Nagisa breaks down crying right in front of Karma "N- Nagisa..." Karma says surprised because he is crying and Nagisa rarely ever cries in front of people.

Nagisa looks down and says through tears, "I'm sorry... I... just.. can't..."

Karma stops him mid-sentence "Why are you apologizing? You shouldn't be-" He notices the bruises on Nagisa's arm, "What the hell is this?!" he grabs Nagsia's arm gently, trying not to hurt him, "Did your mother abuse you again?!" Nagisa doesn't answer, "Damn it, that bitch!!"

Nagisa looks up at him, still crying, "D-dont call her that..."

Karma answers, "Why not?! Its true, I can't believe that she's doing this to you!! She can't just physically hurt you just because your not a fucking girl!! Its not your fault you were born as a boy! And she can't just change your gender!!" Karma is started to get mad

"K- karma..."

Karma looks at Nagisa "huh..?" then he realizes that he was holding nagisa's arm to hard and then loosens his grip and puts his arm down "Oh my goodness I'm so sorry..." karma apologizes,

"it- it's fine..."

Karma looks Nagisa in the eyes and says "Nagisa I..." He grabs Nagisa's hands gently and holds them "I... i lo-"

Suddenly Nagisa's mom comes into the room, "Nagisa, I'm home-" She sees Karma holding Nagisa's hands and them looking back at her, "Nagisa?! What is this?! I left for a while but anyone could suspect that I wouldn't come back and what you do?! You invite some friend over!!! Do you not give a shit about me?! I could have left for good!!!"

Karma looks up at her, mad, and says, "Give a shit about you?! What about you?! Do you not give a crap about your own son?! You say all that shit about him not loving you but do you even fucking love him?! Huh?! It sure doesn't seem like it!! He is depressed! And I'm sure if you cared enough you would have noticed by now that he cuts himself too!! I don't think you give a shit about him! I love him more than you ever would in your fucking life!!"

Nagisa looks up at him in surprise and says "K- karma... you..."

Nagisa's mom was stunned at first by what Karma said but then she starts yelling at them again, "Who are you to say shit like that?! I am his mother!!! You are just some childhood friend! How could you know anything about him and me?! Huh?! I gave birth to him! And I love him!! I provide food for him and water and a roof to live under!! And-"

Karma looks at her with what seems like a scary look in his eyes, "Just childhood friends, huh?" He says, ignoring everything else that she said, "Ha, you wish... Tell me? Do you support the LGBT community? And if your son's so called "childhood friend was gay for him, what would your reaction be...?" He smiles and then turns to Nagisa and grabs his neck collar on his shirt and pulls him closer to himself and kisses him. Then Karma slowly backs away from the kiss and stands up and turns back to Nagisa's mother, "You see?" He starts walking towards Nagisa's mother, "I love him more than you have and ever will" he continued walking towards her.

He stops in front of her and she says, "You know what, fine!! I didn't get the daughter I wanted and now your just saying that my son is gay?! Then fine!! I'll fucking leave!! And if you love him that fucking much then you can fucking take care of him!!!" She walks out of the room and slams the door behind her and don't say anything until they hear her slam the door to the house shut and hear her drive away again in the car... except this time... she's not coming back...

 **\--End-- Cliffhanger~~~~ Look out for Chapter 2! x3**

 **And most of you will probably notice that I had already posted this well just forget about that, cuz I made some changes so yea, I also made a mistake by making the original one of this a book instead of one chapter, oops xD But, ya, I hope this is better, please review and tell me if there is anything I can improve 3**


	2. chapter 2

**Warning:** **There May Be Strong Language used and sexual, gay, LGBT content, also detailed injuries, suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts, read at your own risk.**

 **I finally finished this! aksfpb I hope its not too sucky!** **xD 3**

 **Chapter 2: After the "Confession" Part 1 (Karma's POV)**

Karma just stands still there for a moment but then suddenly he hears Nagisa start crying and he turns around alarmed, "N- nagisa..." 'Well... I guess I can't blame him for crying... he mother did just leave him...' Karma thought.

"K- karma... I... what... what just happened..." Nagisa said through tears, and Karma starts walking towards him,

"Well... I guess... it was... kind of... a... confession...? Like a... love confession..."

Nagisa looks up at him, eyes wide, "Oh my goodness..." Nagisa says covering his mouth with his hand and starts crying.

"Nagisa? Are you okay...?" Karma says, concerned.

Nagisa jumps up and hugs him, still crying, "I'm fine! I'm fine..." he says through tears, still hugging him.

"Nagisa... I..." Then he goes all serious and looks Nagisa in the eyes, "Nagisa..." Nagisa tries to look away from him, "Nagisa, look at me..." He looks back at him, "Nagisa... look... I know your not okay... Your hurt and depressed and... I wanna help you get over that stuff! But, I just... I don't know how... So please... if there's anything I can do... to help you... please... please just tell me!"

Nagisa looks up at him, eyes wide, still hugging him, "Well... I... I don't... I don't know... maybe you could just..." Nagisa blushes and looks down in embarrassment, "Maybe you could... stay with me..."

 _Damn, he is so cute,_ karma thought. "Well of course I can do that." He smiles and hugs him tighter.

Nagisa looks up at Karma to see him slightly blushing and he smiles, "Thank you..." He says still staring at his face, for the first time he's realizing how beautiful it really is, his deep crimson eyes, that almost sparkle in the sunlight, and his hair, a perfect, almost unnaturally, but beautiful, red color.

 _Is he staring at me... oh damn this is embarrassing..._ Karma thought as he looked down at Nagisa, "W-what are you staring at...?"

Nagisa suddenly realizes that he was staring at him and starts blushing, and way more visible than when Karma was, he looks away from him embarrassed, "I- i.. um... its just..."

"hm...?"

"your... um... face..."

"Oh? Is there something on my face?" Karma says lifting a hand to his face.

"No, no, its just... um.." Nagisa blushes even more... "Its just so..."

"Is it scary? With my eye color and stuff, ya know? I usually get that complaint a lot"

"No!! No, its... i- its.. its beautiful... I... um..." His face is almost completely red as he looks back at Karma.

"Oh... um..." Karma says, blushing a little, "Well... I wasn't really expecting that.. ha.." Karma laughs a small laugh and then realized how uncomfortable Nagisa was, "Um... well... your eyes.." Karma starts saying suddenly having direct eye contact with Nagisa, "they are like crystals and they almost glow if you look close enough, almost like pools of magical, sparkling water..."

"Oh... um..." Nagisa only blushes more and looks down, trying to hide his embarrassment. "Y-you're only saying that to calm me down..." then he says more quietly, "its not working very well though..."

"Kind of true... but I'm not lying about your eyes, they really are beautiful... and your hair... it's a beautiful sapphire blue color... and its beautifully long..." He says, suddenly taking the way Nagisa's hair was a moment ago and lets it flow down freely, "So beautiful..." he leans towards Nagisa...

"k- karma... what are you-" Nagisa starts to say surprised.

 **Part 2: (Nagisa's POV)**

Nagisa gets cut off by Karma suddenly on top of him on the bed. _What is he doing? He doesn't seem to be acting like his normal self..._ Nagisa thought while looking up into Karma's eyes, not expecting what he saw, instead of what is a usually a bright red ruby color that shows all emotion, there is dark red eyes, with a small hint of bloodlust, confusion.. and... love? But Nagisa could hardly tell because as of now he can hardly tell what Karma's emotion or intentions are.

"So... beautiful..." Karma repeats once again, almost seeming to be in some kind trance...

Suddenly Nagisa feels tears dropping down on his cheeks, _was Karma... crying...?_ Nagisa looks up at Karma, confused, "k- karma... what..? Are you..."

Karma just leans in closer, not answering the boy, Nagisa can now feel Karma's breath on his face, their lips only inches apart.

"What are you doing, Karma...? Are you okay...?" Nagisa says with a worryingly face.

Suddenly Karma's eyes seem to go back to the brighter red ruby color and he realizes what he is doing, "W-what...?"

"Karma... what just happened? Are you okay?" Nagisa asks realizing that Karma is back to normal.

"I- I don't know..." He answers then he realizes he is still on top of Nagisa and then blushes, get off of him.

"Well i mean I kind of know..."

"What do you mean..?"

"Well... ever since I was little I had the condition where when I get stressed or something like that ill usually take it out on people in some sort of way... sometimes its with violence and sometimes... um... its... with... sexual... c- contact..." Karma answers flustered.

"Oh... but why would you be stressed...?"

"I don't know..." Then suddenly his serious expression turned into a more teasing one, "Maybe I was just overwhelmed by how cute you are" He teases Nagisa, laughing slightly.

"W-what? D- don't tease me like that!" Nagisa says, clearly embarrassed.

"Why not, your so cute when your embarrassed!" He says smirking.

 _Damn you Karma,_ "W- whatever!" _Why am I so embarrassed...? I mean yeah I like him but... ahh.. I don't know..._

Then Karma is a bit more serious again, "But um... I did say that I might take it out on people when violence... I didn't... hurt you... did I?" Karma says a bit concerned.

"No... but there was this little hint of blood lust in your eyes... it was... almost scary..."

"Oh so now your going to agree that my eyes are scary...?"

"What! No! They aren't!!"

"What ever you say..." Karma says, laughing.

"But anyways... yeah... you didn't hurt me..." He says, then sighs and lays back down on the bed, "Today has been really... interesting... hasn't it..?"

"Yea... it has been..." He says looking at Nagisa.

"Its already almost night..." Nagisa says closing his eyes.

"Oh, I didn't realize how late its getting! My parents will probably be worried..." He starts to get up off the bed, but then Nagisa grabs his arm.

"No... don't leave... stay with me... here... you have your phone... right...? You can text them and say that your staying the night here... Please..." Nagisa says his eyes still closed.

"Yea... okay..." Karma says sitting back onto the bed.

"Thank... you..." He says as he falls asleep.

 **Part 3: (Karma's POV)**

I puts my phone down after just texting my mom saying that im staying the night at Nagisa's house, luckily my parents were okay with it.

I look over at Nagisa, he is laying there sleeping surprisingly really peacefully after everything that just happened.

I just stare at Nagisa as he sleeps, _damn he is so cute when he sleeps,_ I then lays down on the bed next to Nagisa, making him stir a little, but he only turns to lay on his side, facing me.

I lie on the bed also laying on my side so that I am too, facing Nagisa, andI just lay there staring at his face.

I grab one of Nagisa's hands gently, holding it, and touches his face with my other hand... Nagisa is too deep in his sleep to notice anything so he doesn't stir of anything like that.

"I love you... Nagisa..." I whisper gently and then falls asleep.

A bit later I wake up to find Nagisa staring at me, "Nagisa...?" he says in a tired voice. _hm? why is he staring at me?_

"Oh... um..." Nagisa looks away, embarrassed, "its just... you look so... defense less when your sleeping..." then he says more quietly, "its cute..." he blushes.

"Oh..." I say then sit up and smirk, "well you know you do too..." I say remembering a bit later before I fell asleep when I was watching Nagisa sleep.

"o- oh... its that so..." Nagisa says, flustered.

"Yea..." _damn why does my head hurt...?_ "Nagisa..."

"What is it- Karma?!"

 **Part 4: (Nagisa's POV)**

He had fainted and fell in my lap... his head felt like it was burning like hell...

"K- karma?! Are you okay? Your burning up!" _Crap, he's probably sick or something..._

He wasn't waking up, he was asleep now. _Was his head hurting that bad this whole time that he had fainted? How long has he been sick? If that's what this is... hopefully it's just a minor cold... ill check the symptoms when he wakes up..._

 **\--Time Skip to When Karma Wakes Up Cuz I'm Lazy Af--**

He was laying next me now asleep but then I felt him move.

"N- Nagisa...?" He tried to sit up but he just fell back down.

"Oh, Karma! Your awake!" _I need to ask him if he knows anything about himself being sick._

"Um.. yea.. why was I asleep? I don't remember ever falling asleep at all..." He said, confused.

"Oh you fainted... but you seemed to be burning up, are you sick or something...?"

"Oh... I did? Sorry... ha..." He seems to be ignoring the second question on purpose...

"Hey! You didn't answer my other-"

"Uh, yea! I'm uh... sick..." He seems a little hesitant, but why?

"Okay... is it just a cold or what? Do you know? Also do you know what could've caused you to be sick?" I asked, concerned.

"Yea it probably a cold... and... uh... I uh... don't know... what could've caused it..."

He's lying I can tell... but I won't question him about it anymore, he obviously doesn't want me to know..

"Okay.." I put one of my hands on his forehead to check his temperature.. he's burning up.

"Your burning up like hell! Does your head hurt? I might have some medicine you can take somewhere in the house.."

"My head hurts a little but I don't need anything.. I just want to sleep..." Then he looks at me, "Well actually..."

"Yea..?"

"I want you."

 _Well... I didn't expect him to say that..._ "O- oh.. i- is that so.. um..." I can feel myself starting to blush a little, "Well... I... uh... um..."

"I love you Nagisa." He closes his eyes beginning to fall asleep but he isn't asleep yet.

I blush even more but try to keep my voice stable, "I- i love you too..."

He smiles and falls asleep.. I watch him sleep, _his face is beautiful.. its so cute when he sleeps too._.

 **END~~ Look for chapter 3. x3**


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